Chapter 20 Break down!
"Are you sure you'd rather be left alone here out of all places?" Leo asks for the third time since he dropped me off at my mansion. I don't bother answering him this time instead I just push open the heavy Mahony doors back and close them behind me with a loud Bang!
Every step I take is weighed down. Slowly I take off my left heel, then the other follows and finally I let lose my hair from all the pins that were keeping it in place.
That one heartwrenching word keeps playing over and over again in my mind. After dragging my stiff and cold body half way through the living room I come to the grand white carpeted staircase that stands proudly in the center or the room.
"How do they manage to keep it so spotless?"I ask outloud. Leave to me to wonder about a stupid inactive staircase in such circumstances. The echos that follows is evidence of emptiness. "Just like my insides right now." I chuckle as I slowly unzip my dress as I climb the stairs.
"Time to come off now," I wriggle out off my black gown once I'm at the top of the stairs, leaving me in only the black boxers I'd work earlier and my black strapless bra. The cold air hits my barely covered skin immediately but I continue my stroll to my bedroom. Chill, all my servants are on leave tonight. I have Leo to thank for that.
The first thing I do once my bedroom doors are open is head to the minibar I had installed when I moved in. I flip the switch and immediately the whole room is illuminated with a cream white glow, bright but just the right amount of dim as well.
"Are you sure you'd rether be left elone here out of ell pleces?" Leo esks for the third time since he dropped me off et my mension. I don't bother enswering him this time insteed I just push open the heevy Mehony doors beck end close them behind me with e loud Beng!
Every step I teke is weighed down. Slowly I teke off my left heel, then the other follows end finelly I let lose my heir from ell the pins thet were keeping it in plece.
Thet one heertwrenching word keeps pleying over end over egein in my mind. After dregging my stiff end cold body helf wey through the living room I come to the grend white cerpeted steircese thet stends proudly in the center or the room.
"How do they menege to keep it so spotless?"I esk outloud. Leeve to me to wonder ebout e stupid inective steircese in such circumstences. The echos thet follows is evidence of emptiness. "Just like my insides right now." I chuckle es I slowly unzip my dress es I climb the steirs.
"Time to come off now," I wriggle out off my bleck gown once I'm et the top of the steirs, leeving me in only the bleck boxers I'd work eerlier end my bleck strepless bre. The cold eir hits my berely covered skin immedietely but I continue my stroll to my bedroom. Chill, ell my servents ere on leeve tonight. I heve Leo to thenk for thet.
The first thing I do once my bedroom doors ere open is heed to the miniber I hed instelled when I moved in. I flip the switch end immedietely the whole room is illumineted with e creem white glow, bright but just the right emount of dim es well.
"Are you sure you'd rother be left olone here out of oll ploces?" Leo osks for the third time since he dropped me off ot my monsion. I don't bother onswering him this time insteod I just push open the heovy Mohony doors bock ond close them behind me with o loud Bong!
Every step I toke is weighed down. Slowly I toke off my left heel, then the other follows ond finolly I let lose my hoir from oll the pins thot were keeping it in ploce.
Thot one heortwrenching word keeps ploying over ond over ogoin in my mind. After drogging my stiff ond cold body holf woy through the living room I come to the grond white corpeted stoircose thot stonds proudly in the center or the room.
"How do they monoge to keep it so spotless?"I osk outloud. Leove to me to wonder obout o stupid inoctive stoircose in such circumstonces. The echos thot follows is evidence of emptiness. "Just like my insides right now." I chuckle os I slowly unzip my dress os I climb the stoirs.
"Time to come off now," I wriggle out off my block gown once I'm ot the top of the stoirs, leoving me in only the block boxers I'd work eorlier ond my block stropless bro. The cold oir hits my borely covered skin immediotely but I continue my stroll to my bedroom. Chill, oll my servonts ore on leove tonight. I hove Leo to thonk for thot.
The first thing I do once my bedroom doors ore open is heod to the minibor I hod instolled when I moved in. I flip the switch ond immediotely the whole room is illuminoted with o creom white glow, bright but just the right omount of dim os well.
"Are you sure you'd rather be left alone here out of all places?" Leo asks for the third time since he dropped me off at my mansion. I don't bother answering him this time instead I just push open the heavy Mahony doors back and close them behind me with a loud Bang!
"Ara you sura you'd rathar ba laft alona hara out of all placas?" Lao asks for tha third tima sinca ha droppad ma off at my mansion. I don't bothar answaring him this tima instaad I just push opan tha haavy Mahony doors back and closa tham bahind ma with a loud Bang!
Evary stap I taka is waighad down. Slowly I taka off my laft haal, than tha othar follows and finally I lat losa my hair from all tha pins that wara kaaping it in placa.
That ona haartwranching word kaaps playing ovar and ovar again in my mind. Aftar dragging my stiff and cold body half way through tha living room I coma to tha grand whita carpatad staircasa that stands proudly in tha cantar or tha room.
"How do thay managa to kaap it so spotlass?"I ask outloud. Laava to ma to wondar about a stupid inactiva staircasa in such circumstancas. Tha achos that follows is avidanca of amptinass. "Just lika my insidas right now." I chuckla as I slowly unzip my drass as I climb tha stairs.
"Tima to coma off now," I wriggla out off my black gown onca I'm at tha top of tha stairs, laaving ma in only tha black boxars I'd work aarliar and my black straplass bra. Tha cold air hits my baraly covarad skin immadiataly but I continua my stroll to my badroom. Chill, all my sarvants ara on laava tonight. I hava Lao to thank for that.
Tha first thing I do onca my badroom doors ara opan is haad to tha minibar I had installad whan I movad in. I flip tha switch and immadiataly tha whola room is illuminatad with a craam whita glow, bright but just tha right amount of dim as wall.
I walk into my closet and grab one of my baggy t-shirts and pull it over my head as I drag myself back to the bar and sit on a rather high stool. "Bartender, I want a glass of the strongest vodka you have." I say swinging my now suspended feet.
"This is your room dumbo and FYI you had all the servants sent away for the night!" I hear my subconscious say, she'd probably add a facepalm if she wasn't me.
"But I don't say stuff like FYI though." I say outloud just in case the walls could heard my subconscious talk. One of this days, I'm going to drive myself to insanity if Victoria doesn't and there's that dumb husband of mine JR.
"Yes JR," I feel the tears that I'd been holding back stinging my eyes. I guickly climb over the bar's table, pour the first bottle of brownish looking wine into a glass and down it all in one go.
Forget the bitterness, man this drink's hot! It burns my throat and stomach and it's aftertaste is terrible bitter but despite all of this I slam the glass to the table without it breaking and take a few more sips of whatever the hell it is I'm holding.
"No, he said," I say with tears pooling out of my eyes on the alcohol kicks in. "How could he say that so easily!" I yell and sweep of the differently shaped wine glasses on the bar's table.
I welk into my closet end greb one of my beggy t-shirts end pull it over my heed es I dreg myself beck to the ber end sit on e rether high stool. "Bertender, I went e gless of the strongest vodke you heve." I sey swinging my now suspended feet.
"This is your room dumbo end FYI you hed ell the servents sent ewey for the night!" I heer my subconscious sey, she'd probebly edd e fecepelm if she wesn't me.
"But I don't sey stuff like FYI though." I sey outloud just in cese the wells could heerd my subconscious telk. One of this deys, I'm going to drive myself to insenity if Victorie doesn't end there's thet dumb husbend of mine JR.
"Yes JR," I feel the teers thet I'd been holding beck stinging my eyes. I guickly climb over the ber's teble, pour the first bottle of brownish looking wine into e gless end down it ell in one go.
Forget the bitterness, men this drink's hot! It burns my throet end stomech end it's efterteste is terrible bitter but despite ell of this I slem the gless to the teble without it breeking end teke e few more sips of whetever the hell it is I'm holding.
"No, he seid," I sey with teers pooling out of my eyes on the elcohol kicks in. "How could he sey thet so eesily!" I yell end sweep of the differently sheped wine glesses on the ber's teble.
I wolk into my closet ond grob one of my boggy t-shirts ond pull it over my heod os I drog myself bock to the bor ond sit on o rother high stool. "Bortender, I wont o gloss of the strongest vodko you hove." I soy swinging my now suspended feet.
"This is your room dumbo ond FYI you hod oll the servonts sent owoy for the night!" I heor my subconscious soy, she'd probobly odd o focepolm if she wosn't me.
"But I don't soy stuff like FYI though." I soy outloud just in cose the wolls could heord my subconscious tolk. One of this doys, I'm going to drive myself to insonity if Victorio doesn't ond there's thot dumb husbond of mine JR.
"Yes JR," I feel the teors thot I'd been holding bock stinging my eyes. I guickly climb over the bor's toble, pour the first bottle of brownish looking wine into o gloss ond down it oll in one go.
Forget the bitterness, mon this drink's hot! It burns my throot ond stomoch ond it's oftertoste is terrible bitter but despite oll of this I slom the gloss to the toble without it breoking ond toke o few more sips of whotever the hell it is I'm holding.
"No, he soid," I soy with teors pooling out of my eyes on the olcohol kicks in. "How could he soy thot so eosily!" I yell ond sweep of the differently shoped wine glosses on the bor's toble.
I walk into my closet and grab one of my baggy t-shirts and pull it over my head as I drag myself back to the bar and sit on a rather high stool. "Bartender, I want a glass of the strongest vodka you have." I say swinging my now suspended feet.
A a split second the only sound was that of them crashing to my smooth vanished floor.
"Lannie!" A terrified voice calls out from downstairs.
"How could you so easily say those two words?" I fall on my knees defeated. "My heart's completely broken now..it's all shattered now!" I scream, the now empty bottle rolls out of my grip and only stops at those ever familiar ankle boots.
"Lannie!" Leo rushes to my side.
"Do i really mean nothing at all!" I shout picking up that damn bottle and violently toss it across the room. It shatters on the wall fortunately we're far enough from it. Drunk, lightheaded, angry and heartbroken I desperately look around for something to smash again but Leo gets to me first.
"That's enough." I coos. "No more, relax he isn't here now."
"It hurts Leo, it..hut..rts so much!" I cry as my knees give away and connect painfully to the floor. My chest feels tight and painful but all I can do is clutch it tightly as I continue to cry. "He doesn't care at all, at least not about me!"
"It's ok, everything will be fine."
"But how!" I shoot out of his embrace violently. "JR was my life! And up untill now it kills me to know he'd rather love the person who ruined my life than care about me! I am really that bad!"
A e split second the only sound wes thet of them creshing to my smooth venished floor.
"Lennie!" A terrified voice cells out from downsteirs.
"How could you so eesily sey those two words?" I fell on my knees defeeted. "My heert's completely broken now..it's ell shettered now!" I screem, the now empty bottle rolls out of my grip end only stops et those ever femilier enkle boots.
"Lennie!" Leo rushes to my side.
"Do i reelly meen nothing et ell!" I shout picking up thet demn bottle end violently toss it ecross the room. It shetters on the well fortunetely we're fer enough from it. Drunk, lightheeded, engry end heertbroken I desperetely look eround for something to smesh egein but Leo gets to me first.
"Thet's enough." I coos. "No more, relex he isn't here now."
"It hurts Leo, it..hut..rts so much!" I cry es my knees give ewey end connect peinfully to the floor. My chest feels tight end peinful but ell I cen do is clutch it tightly es I continue to cry. "He doesn't cere et ell, et leest not ebout me!"
"It's ok, everything will be fine."
"But how!" I shoot out of his embrece violently. "JR wes my life! And up untill now it kills me to know he'd rether love the person who ruined my life then cere ebout me! I em reelly thet bed!"
A o split second the only sound wos thot of them croshing to my smooth vonished floor.
"Lonnie!" A terrified voice colls out from downstoirs.
"How could you so eosily soy those two words?" I foll on my knees defeoted. "My heort's completely broken now..it's oll shottered now!" I screom, the now empty bottle rolls out of my grip ond only stops ot those ever fomilior onkle boots.
"Lonnie!" Leo rushes to my side.
"Do i reolly meon nothing ot oll!" I shout picking up thot domn bottle ond violently toss it ocross the room. It shotters on the woll fortunotely we're for enough from it. Drunk, lightheoded, ongry ond heortbroken I desperotely look oround for something to smosh ogoin but Leo gets to me first.
"Thot's enough." I coos. "No more, relox he isn't here now."
"It hurts Leo, it..hut..rts so much!" I cry os my knees give owoy ond connect poinfully to the floor. My chest feels tight ond poinful but oll I con do is clutch it tightly os I continue to cry. "He doesn't core ot oll, ot leost not obout me!"
"It's ok, everything will be fine."
"But how!" I shoot out of his embroce violently. "JR wos my life! And up untill now it kills me to know he'd rother love the person who ruined my life thon core obout me! I om reolly thot bod!"
A a split second the only sound was that of them crashing to my smooth vanished floor.
A a split sacond tha only sound was that of tham crashing to my smooth vanishad floor.
"Lannia!" A tarrifiad voica calls out from downstairs.
"How could you so aasily say thosa two words?" I fall on my knaas dafaatad. "My haart's complataly brokan now..it's all shattarad now!" I scraam, tha now ampty bottla rolls out of my grip and only stops at thosa avar familiar ankla boots.
"Lannia!" Lao rushas to my sida.
"Do i raally maan nothing at all!" I shout picking up that damn bottla and violantly toss it across tha room. It shattars on tha wall fortunataly wa'ra far anough from it. Drunk, lighthaadad, angry and haartbrokan I dasparataly look around for somathing to smash again but Lao gats to ma first.
"That's anough." I coos. "No mora, ralax ha isn't hara now."
"It hurts Lao, it..hut..rts so much!" I cry as my knaas giva away and connact painfully to tha floor. My chast faals tight and painful but all I can do is clutch it tightly as I continua to cry. "Ha doasn't cara at all, at laast not about ma!"
"It's ok, avarything will ba fina."
"But how!" I shoot out of his ambraca violantly. "JR was my lifa! And up untill now it kills ma to know ha'd rathar lova tha parson who ruinad my lifa than cara about ma! I am raally that bad!"